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15.10.17

Left Behind

San Diego, Californie, États-Unis Hey there,

I've never felt quite at peace in nature. As a child, I used to identify as a city kid, who's never thought that I could fit outside a concrete jungle. Raised in the suburb, I was in the middle, not quite the cool kid who's grown up between tall buildings and lined up of cars, and far from the dreamy girl raised in the fields as the playground. I was average, and I've always felt average, not pretty, not as intelligent as some of the others, not as creative, and certainly not as brave. I was fearful, mostly alone, but surely a dreamer. 



But then growing up, I was becoming more in peace with the air I was breathing in, more aware of what was around me. I'd always think I would leave for bigger dreams, in a bigger place, where you can feel even more alone as you've ever felt, surrounded by running people, people on the rush, people that would never stop to stare at something. I was left behind, as I was waiting for the subway each and every day, I contemplated people rushing and pushing, every single day. I didn't fit in, I didn't feel the same urge to rush.


My mind travels, my body stays still, but my dreams rush through my blood and my veins. I'm driven by spontaneous thoughts, rushed by some unachievable dreams, but I keep going. I found myself happy in the shine of the lights, I feel the peaceful air running through the wind that touches my skin, and I breathe in the colors of the sky. I'm here but my mind is away, I try to listen to people when they speak, but all I can hear is sounds when my head is somewhere else. I go through every thought I have: silly ones, serious ones. I'm selfish, but I'm a dreamer, I'm generous and I'm a giver.


And I stand in the light, warmed up by the sun, lighted up by the sky, I live. Breathing in and breathing out. My naturality rises and I'm filled with joy. In the shadow hidden from people, touched by some rays of the sun. I walk in the garden, I wander around, exploring and filling my heart with anything that's not anxiety. For a minute, I allow myself to forget, and all I think about is the moment. And the minute I step outside this dream, I come back to reality, and all my thoughts are turned to stress and wishes to go back to a place, where my mind can wander and escape. A little getaway, my safe haven away from the trouble and the noise. 



I'm not a child of nature, not a wild person, I'm a calm person, I stare at the chaos of some people and do not approach it. I'm a free spirit, driven by some crazy impulses, but it's the spontaneity that brings the best in people. Some of the best are the unpredictable ones. I long for those ones, they bring the best memories, souvenirs stuck in our heads forever that we will cherish for our time being. Someday, we'll drive for hours, not knowing where we will go but we'll stop once we'll have figured it out. On that day, we'll stare at the infinity and lied in the sun until it sets. It will be a good day, just like all the other ones, and we will remember it, just like we did with all those days filled with happiness. 


I'll talk to you soon,

Love,

Elsa. 

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WHERE: BOTANICAL BUILDING BALBOA PARK
DRESS: ZARA
BAG: REBECCA MINKOFF
NECKLACE: BRANDY MELVILLE
SHOES: ALL-STARS CONVERSE

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