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14.9.20

The Slut Shaming is back! Better than ever...

What a great way to start the week. Ophelie telling me that I should put the list of my past relationships online and see how it goes for me. 

This morning as I was getting ready to start a great week at work, I came across a sad, heartbreaking, devastating realization. The Slut-Shaming is back, and better than ever! This concept that was so 2018, is still there to shake our (already) bad year. 


Last week, as part of my day job as a fashion and entertainment journalist for french media Les Éclaireuses, I wrote a piece on the timeline of Selena Gomez's past relationships. What was supposed to be a liberating article about how a woman can have as many relationships as she wishes to, turned into a satire, an insult, a picture of how a woman can be, please stay seated, a slut... 


As I opened my laptop this morning, I was glad to know that the piece I wrote last week had reached a significant amount of readers and views. Nothing could prepare me for the sad reality I was about to face as I was opening the comment section. Selena Gomez, a free spirit, an inspiring and empowering woman of 28 years of age, was not seen as the great person she is. Far from it, she was defined by the amount of relationship she had in her life. 

'Slut', 'she didn't waste any time', 'she's a home-wrecker', 'nothing can stop her from getting a man'... The list goes on. Speechless, I went through the comments section trying to understand what had happened. 


What really shocked me wasn't only the fact that every opinion was unambiguous, but the fact that when it comes to a man, the rules don't apply. While a single, free, sexually active, and unapologetic woman is, to the general opinion, a whore; a single, free, sexually active and, unapologetic man is just the sexiest man alive. Why? When women have to apologize for their behaviors, men just have to be themselves. The example is simple. Leonard Dicaprio, serial lover, notorious bachelor, and respectable owner of one Oscar has had not less than 14 relationships. No need to add that the actor is known not only for his dedication for the future of our planet, but also for his passion for Victoria's Secret models, and young women half his age. On the other end, Selena Gomez, singer, actress, committed and accessible, has shared the life of 10 men and has been single for two years. On one side, there's a bachelor, not even bashed once for dating girls way younger than the actor; on the other side, there's a younger girl, that keeps getting headlines for starting a new relationship when she was supposed to stay with the Biebs. What the actual f*ck? 


Who actually cares? 


The idea was not to compare, nor highlight the fact that the singer has had quite the numbers of conquests. It was just a picture of how Selena Gomez had found love more than once, and how beautiful it is. 

But then, there it was, the only comment that was determined to set my heart, and my anger, on fire. From a wave of insults, Ophelie typed: 'Why don't we ask the editor of the page to list her relationships as well, so she can see how it goes?'. Was she talking about me? She was. 

So as I typed my answers to Manon, Camille, Martine, Josephine, and then Ophelie... I couldn't help but wonder: 'why is it acceptable to judge a woman based on her past relationships when we swoon in front of a man relationships?'. No one was bitching about Leo, Brad, Zac, or Ryan's former flames. No. Every eye was turned to Miley, Ariana, Selena, and Taylor. 


The reality was brutal. Never have I ever, in my 26 years of living, been confronted to the concept of slut-shaming. I had heard about it, sure, but did I think that in 2020, people were still slut-shaming women for the way they dressed, the way they behaved, or the person they loved? No way. But there it was, the frightening signs that our society is run by a 90 years old man, who believes that women are forever pure, virgin, and respectable. The most disturbing thoughts arrived when I realized that modern females were commenting on this article, insulting one of theirs. How is slut-shaming still a thing? In a world where this is our bodies, our choice, where women's rights are human rights, where we demand equality, where black lives matter, and he for her, how does slut-shaming can have its place? It doesn't. But as long as a right-minded person will believe that the values of our society are still the same as the 1960s, slut-shaming is always going to be there. It is our job, and the job of future generations, to believe in new values, to believe in freedom, equality, and to believe that everyone is free to live his/her life as he/she wants. 


So please, Ophelie, if you're reading this, I would be more than happy to share the very very very very very short list of my past relationships, only if it shows how every person I've been with has changed my life for the better or the worst, and not translate as a picture of how prude or how slutty I am, as a woman.

 

Talk to you later. 


Elsa. 





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