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7.1.16

When Anxiety Strikes ...

Hello there,

I've been wanting to talk about anxiety for awhile now but it's quite hard to know exactly what you want to say and how to say it. I'm not an expert in this field, I'm just experiencing anxiety. The reason I wanted to talk about it is that I've always been quite an anxious person, but I feel like my anxiety has came to a whole other point now that I'm more grown up. It's at a point now where it just affects my daily life in so many different ways. When I write blog posts, I'm really hard on myself and I'm scared about people's reaction or thoughts. It took all my efforts to put up my first posts because I was so scared and stressed.

I thought that maybe writing it down could help me, I feel like putting it down this way reflects exactly what I'm feeling inside, and it's a way for me to get it out and maybe feel better. 

Anxiety for me is like the feeling you get when you can't get out of somewhere, like in a dream, you're stuck in a room, there's no way out, and you just panic because you're stuck and you have no idea how you're gonna make it. It's like an endless bridge, you can see the end, but you can't reach it. When I have some anxiety crises, that's how I call them, I just feel so bad. Sometimes it happens quite quickly and out of nowhere, and it seems like it lasts so long because you can't do anything but wait for it to disappear, so you just panic even more because you're scared of the state you're at, and you don't know how long it's gonna take for you to feel okay again.

As I said, I've always been an anxious person, from as long as I can remember, I've always been a very introvert, shy and nervous person. However, moving away from home, even for a year, and living on my own has made me realize the "gravity" of stuff I didn't think was that bad. For example, it's not that I don't like going out at night and socialise with people, it's that I'm actually scared of that. The idea of going out, talking to people that I don't really know, drinking with people and becoming a version of myself that I don't necessarily like, having to come home late at night, walking alone etc. just stresses me out. I know it might sounds silly but it's true, it just panics me, badly. Just like conflicts make me really nervous, getting negative or constructive comments, meeting new people or talking in front of people, some conversations give me anxiety as well ... and so many other things...

It's very hard to deal with anxiety especially when people around you don't understand how you feel and don't seem to accept it. There're a lot of people who understand my anxiety but at the same time, don't understand how I really feel inside, and how hard simple things for them can be stressful for me. I know, stress is normal, and in some case, it can be good. But it's not when you feel a certain amount of stress, which makes you have a huge ball stuck in your stomach that makes you breathe heavily, shake, and want to cry, feel your heart beating loudly and quickly in your whole entire body. It's even worse when you feel all those things in situations when you shouldn't be stressed, like at night when you're laying in your bed and you should be sleeping, but instead you're reminiscing about everything that could go wrong in your whole life, and things that actually went wrong already.

In my anxiety healing process, I've understood that, evidently, it takes a lot of time to feel better, and that the whole process comes from yourself, and it's a combination of many different things. I've realized that I don't necessarily need to change who I am, I just need to change how I treat myself. I have to be kind to myself, and to believe in myself.

I've come across a funny note the other day, where it says "You've believed in Santa Claus for at least 7 years, you can believe in yourself for more than 5 minutes". I've also found some relaxation methods for when I do feel stressed. I know some people picture something comforting and relaxing for them in their mind, I don't really feel like it has worked for me. I've been taking Magnesium for awhile now, and it works, to some extents though... There are still some days where I feel like I'm a complete nervous mess and I cannot succeed at anything. I like to do the 478 breathing method, and to breath with my stomach, which may sound weird, but I'll explain.  

With the 478, you inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds, it helps a lot with the shaking, and it helps me go to sleep at night. When you breathe with your stomach you just have to put a small object, like a pen or something, on your stomach and make it go up when you inhale and go down when you exhale. It helps for the very bad butterflies in the stomach. 

I'm just starting to be kind to myself, by congratulating myself when I succeed at getting out of my confort zone, and telling myself that it's okay to make mistakes because I can overcome them etc. I'm learning to enjoy the little things and not let myself get affected by silly things. It's hard and it's a long and very personal process but I'm getting there. 

I don't really know how to end this post, so I'll just say that I'll see you soon for a more cheerful post. I feel like this post was a way to get to know me a little better, because I'm not perfect, and I have some up and downs like everyone else, so I hope you still enjoyed reading it.

Don't forget to follow me on Blog Lovin so you'll know exactly when my next posts are coming!

Love,

Elsa.

PS: I didn't feel like adding any pictures to this post because I didn't know what could possibly fit in this kind of post. I found this pictures in a file on my computer, I took this pictures 4 or 5 years ago during a trip to New York City and it just reminds me of how relaxed I was back then and there. I thought it adds a little something to the post. Hope you don't mind. 

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